Sunday, June 4, 2006

So. Today, we graduated.

And you know, I really could not have asked for a better day.

The weather was beautiful, for one thing. It wasn't the least bit hot inside the gym. I almost started crying when "Pomp and Circumstance" started playing as we lined up, and then during the first two speeches and the Alma Mater, and then I came even closer when the concert choir sang "Fields of Gold." I made myself choke it back, though, because I didn't want to get up in front of everyone and not be able to talk. My speech went pretty well, I think. Thanks so much to everyone who congratulated me about it.

I spent some time with my family after the ceremony, and then party-hopped for a while. Very fun. Wonderful day. Absolutely wonderful. Of course, everyone had far too much delicious food for the tasting. I have eaten practically NOTHING healthy today. Yaaay cake.

I felt much more melancholy on Friday night than I do now. I'm not sure how to explain it. As I sat through the ceremony today, I felt like I should have been upset in some way, because almost everyone around me broke down at some point. And of course, I really was fighting back tears in the beginning. But after I plopped back down following my speech, I just found suddenly that I couldn't be unhappy.

High school has been fun in many, many ways. But high school wasn't perfect -- ohhhh, far from it. I've had some pretty crummy experiences (everyone has) ... and in hindsight, of course, they only made me stronger. Oh-so-cliched, I know. But I do firmly believe that high school is not meant to be "the best four years of your life," as so many people claim. High school exists to prepare you to make the rest of your life as wonderful as it can possibly be. Seriously, does anyone really want to go back to being 15? To braces or frizzy hair or gangly limbs or awkward friendships or all of those weird "firsts?" The adult world can seem incredibly frightening, yes -- but we've grown out of high school. No one can deny that. Each and every one of us is ready to take the next step.

And you know, I am sure that I will feel much more melancholy once autumn hits. Autumn is, by nature, a nostalgic season. Spring and early summer are autumn's polar opposite; spring and early summer fill everyone with energy, with new ideas, with inspiration to clean out desk drawers and throw open the drapes, with a frantic passion to live. Autumn is quieter, more comforting -- a prelude to the holiday season, which always echoes of home. Oh, it is going to be difficult leaving home. It is. But I think I'm ready. I really think that I'm ready. And I know that the rest of you are just as prepared for the future, whatever that future may be -- whether you know it or feel it or both or neither.

There are some people from my class that I might never see again. Today I said goodbye to people I've been learning and growing with since third grade. I know that. And while I'll miss some of them (lots of them), I'm not going to dwell on an ending that was inevitable from the beginning. As Eponine muses in Les Miserables (I know, I referenced it before ... I do love my musicals), "Why regret what could not be?" Why wallow in self-pity over an experience that was never destined to go on forever? How healthy would that be? Well, of course, it wouldn't be healthy it all.

I -- we -- should be grateful that these four years have happened at all. Because through both the horrible days and the exhilerating moments, they have shaped us into who we are today.

Summer will be wonderful. It will be absolutely wonderful. And when college (and whatever the future brings for the rest of you) comes around, it will be just as amazing.

I am going to live in now, and I am never going to let it go. It would be hypocritical to not follow my own advice.

I love you all. I always will.

But life is waiting.

Turn the page.