Sunday, June 4, 2006
So. Today, we graduated.
And you know, I really could not have asked for a better day.
The weather was beautiful, for one thing. It wasn't the least bit hot inside the gym. I almost started crying when "Pomp and Circumstance" started playing as we lined up, and then during the first two speeches and the Alma Mater, and then I came even closer when the concert choir sang "Fields of Gold." I made myself choke it back, though, because I didn't want to get up in front of everyone and not be able to talk. My speech went pretty well, I think. Thanks so much to everyone who congratulated me about it.
I spent some time with my family after the ceremony, and then party-hopped for a while. Very fun. Wonderful day. Absolutely wonderful. Of course, everyone had far too much delicious food for the tasting. I have eaten practically NOTHING healthy today. Yaaay cake.
I felt much more melancholy on Friday night than I do now. I'm not sure how to explain it. As I sat through the ceremony today, I felt like I should have been upset in some way, because almost everyone around me broke down at some point. And of course, I really was fighting back tears in the beginning. But after I plopped back down following my speech, I just found suddenly that I couldn't be unhappy.
High school has been fun in many, many ways. But high school wasn't perfect -- ohhhh, far from it. I've had some pretty crummy experiences (everyone has) ... and in hindsight, of course, they only made me stronger. Oh-so-cliched, I know. But I do firmly believe that high school is not meant to be "the best four years of your life," as so many people claim. High school exists to prepare you to make the rest of your life as wonderful as it can possibly be. Seriously, does anyone really want to go back to being 15? To braces or frizzy hair or gangly limbs or awkward friendships or all of those weird "firsts?" The adult world can seem incredibly frightening, yes -- but we've grown out of high school. No one can deny that. Each and every one of us is ready to take the next step.
And you know, I am sure that I will feel much more melancholy once autumn hits. Autumn is, by nature, a nostalgic season. Spring and early summer are autumn's polar opposite; spring and early summer fill everyone with energy, with new ideas, with inspiration to clean out desk drawers and throw open the drapes, with a frantic passion to live. Autumn is quieter, more comforting -- a prelude to the holiday season, which always echoes of home. Oh, it is going to be difficult leaving home. It is. But I think I'm ready. I really think that I'm ready. And I know that the rest of you are just as prepared for the future, whatever that future may be -- whether you know it or feel it or both or neither.
There are some people from my class that I might never see again. Today I said goodbye to people I've been learning and growing with since third grade. I know that. And while I'll miss some of them (lots of them), I'm not going to dwell on an ending that was inevitable from the beginning. As Eponine muses in Les Miserables (I know, I referenced it before ... I do love my musicals), "Why regret what could not be?" Why wallow in self-pity over an experience that was never destined to go on forever? How healthy would that be? Well, of course, it wouldn't be healthy it all.
I -- we -- should be grateful that these four years have happened at all. Because through both the horrible days and the exhilerating moments, they have shaped us into who we are today.
Summer will be wonderful. It will be absolutely wonderful. And when college (and whatever the future brings for the rest of you) comes around, it will be just as amazing.
I am going to live in now, and I am never going to let it go. It would be hypocritical to not follow my own advice.
I love you all. I always will.
But life is waiting.
Turn the page.
Saturday, June 3, 2006
Well, I got to sleep for more than five hours last night, so I don't think that today could have started out any better than that. I got up late, went for a quick walk, got ready, ate something, and then went out watch-shopping with my dad, my grandma and my aunt. That was my grandma's graduation present to me: an absolutely beautiful watch. I forgot to mention yesterday that my aunt (and godmother) gave me a lovely silver bracelet and a book with leadership advice from Eleanor Roosevelt (personalized by the author, no less!). I think it will be my first piece of summer reading. Yay!
I was excited to see the rest of my extended family when they got here, too. I don't get to see my relatives nearly enough because they all live in Illinois. So many sweet cards and generous gifts. Anyway, I went to several graduation parties later in the afternoon and then this evening, which was a lot of fun. I love everyone!! I can't believe that tomorrow is the day, though. I feel a little bit nervous. And it's not even so much about giving my speech as it is about the entire thing. I don't know how to explain it. Speaking of my speech, though, I really need to practice that a few times, so off I go.
Oh, I almost forgot. At Eric Matzke's request, I am mentioning his name. He wants to let everyone know that after graduation, he'll be taking over the world, assuming that road construction doesn't get in the way.
Also, love to my closest friends: Kathryn, Kate, Ashley, Kelsey, Rachael, Alaina, and Sandy. There's too much I could say to you and not enough space to do it.
And, to everyone else in my graduating class: you're awesome!!! Good luck after graduation!
Of course, I'd be nowhere without my family. Mom, Dad, Jackie, and Luke: I love you!
Finally, to everyone who's been keeping up with this blog: Thanks for reading.
All right, that's all. Tomorrow's the day!!
Friday, June 2, 2006
And...we are done.
Today was crazy. It really didn't start to hit me until tonight, after my relatives went back to their hotel. But I did feel like crying during lunch. I've had the same close-knit group of friends since seventh grade. We've been eating together every day since middle school, and now...this is it. But! No more crying! We'll have lots of lunch dates with with sides of tennis this summer! And we are planning an extremely dorky trip to the zoo sometime soon.
On an entirely unrelated note, I can't count the number of times I've sung "Gold Digger" today, chorused by my closest friends. If there's a song that will always lift my spirits, that's it. Mostly because it is so utterly ridiculous.Graduation practice was kinda warm and it took a long time. But, lucky me -- I'm in the front row (because I'm giving a speech), a.k.a right by the doors (BREEZE!), and a.k.a a spot where I can get good pictures and stretch out my legs.And to top it off, my hair mousse was on sale today. There's nothing like saving an unexpected sixty cents. Plus I randomly had a plastic bag in my locker, which was perfect for stuffing all of my junk inside and hauling it home. I found at the bottom of that hunk of metal a bunch of plastic straws connected with seran wrap and was confused for a minute, and then remembered that it had been created for a project that a close friend and I had done in the fall for our Anatomy and Physiology class. I laughed.
And then tonight I cried.
Sigh.
College is going to be amazing. I have no doubt about that. But all of this has gone so fast. I remember that once, in third grade, I was sitting in class and all of the sudden I looked around and thought, "Wow. We're almost halfway to high school graduation." Okay, so what third grader thinks about that, right? But apparently I did. And it made me sort of sad for a few seconds, until I realized that I wasn't the only person who was going to have to leave all of this behind me someday. EVERYONE is going through the exact same thing. And it's really a comfort to know that no one is really alone here.
Tomorrow morning I'm going shopping with my aunt and my grandma, and then it's off to graduation-party-hopping.
Ahh. Fun.
If anyone from Ashwaubenon reads this, especially the (now...ex-?) seniors, I want to thank you for all the memories.
It's been fun. Long live the class of 2006.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Okay, this is a ten-minute break that I really should not be taking. I stayed after school for ceramics today -- again. I can't remember a day in the past three weeks that I HAVEN'T been at school until 5 p.m. doing projects or yearbook or something, but I think I set a personal record today: 5:30. I then drove myself to Target and bought six gluesticks in preparation for my evening of putting together my Spanish timeline.
I've gone through three of them in five and a half hours of frustration, and I am STILL not done. Grrrrr.
So tomorrow's the last day of school, and all I care about right now is getting my projects finished. Senior breakfast is at 7 a.m. and I keep forgetting about it. It's a million years away right now. And I can't lie; I'm anything but melancholy. I'm just not capable of feeling nostalgic over the term that's turned me into a maniac from stress. But in an attempt to be at least marginally reflective, Les Miserables (that soundtrack is now on its second time through this evening) said it best, I think:
Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in Heaven has in store
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!
Ohhhh boy. That was so dorky it wasn't even funny. Good night (about three hours from now, that is).
Wednesday, May 31, 2006In less than 48 hours, I will be officially done with high school. And you know, it just doesn't feel real ... yet. And I'm not feeling melancholy at all ... yet. All I can think about is how AWESOME summer is going to be.
Unfortunately, summer is not quite here ... yet. And it shows. I AM going to wash and wax the car sometime SOON. I AM, even if I have to spend three hours doing it. Every time I come out after school and have to see the sun glaring off the filthy rain-spotted roof, I want to (for lack of more impressive hyperbole) scratch my eyes out. Ewww.
Which reminds me of the time we read good ol' Oedipus Rex last September, in College-Credit English. Based on the connection, of course, that he did, in fact, gauge his eyes out. Oh, Oedipus. He had some issues, didn't he? I'll bet his car was always dirty, because it probably rained a lot in ancient Greece. Or maybe he just took AP Statistics sometime during his young life.
... Wow. Sometimes, I just do not know where these things come from.
So the real question of the evening is this: HOW am I going to make myself continue studying for my AP Statistics final? Well, I just have no idea. Senioritis is quite a formidable opponent. But you know ... armed with caffiene and some Cheerios, I just might make it. With both my eyes intact, no less.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006AHH!!! I am officially at LEAST halfway done with my Spanish project! Woohoo!!
Today, I returned an overdue book about Spain to our high school library. I also paid the Sculpture and Ceramics art fee that I should have paid in April. I then spent the entire day fanning my face with papers and complaining nonstop because, as I predicted, it was ten thousand degrees inside our school, without even counting the blistering computer labs. Oh, the joys of having no air-conditioning.
I have a final in AP Statistics on Thursday, and I should probably start studying for that. I've given up on sleeping at all until Friday night.
Sorry, no reflections this evening. I'm not feeling philisophical enough. At the moment, I just want to be DONE with all of my work. Until tomorrow ...
Monday, May 29, 2006
So. Today I went shopping for an outfit for graduation, which was rather frustrating. It took me three hours to find something that was just right. This took three hours away from my end-of-the-term Spanish VI project (a timeline of the entire history of Spain), so I've been scrambling to get all of my homework done since I got home around 4.
This last week of school seems so pointless. I wish they'd just throw up their hands and say, "All right! No sense in stressing you out any longer! You're done!" And then we could sit around and reflect on all of high school for four days straight, spending the time talking to friends and acquaintences we might never, ever get to see again. Yes. That would be good use of those four days, I think. It would appear that finals and projects and presentations have won out, however.
Ever since the stress of my AP Statistics AP test ended in early May, I've come to love my classes ten times more. .. just because of the people I get to see every day. Oh, if I could encompass the hilarity of the conversations we've had lately...
There are so many members of my class that I never would have predicted I'd miss after graduation ... and now that I think about it, I'm going to miss them all terribly. :( Sigh.
It was another disgustingly hot day in Ashwaubenon. The school is probably going to be about 90 degrees tomorrow. Whoopee.
Aaaaand ... that's it.
Sunday, May 28, 2006I'm a cashier at Festival Foods in De Pere, and today, I worked. While working, I got numerous comments from customers about how disgustingly hot it was outside, but somehow it still knocked the wind out of me when I stepped from the air-conditioning out into the thick, oppressive humidity at 3:30 in the afternoon. The interior of my car was, of course, at least 15 degrees warmer than even the outside air. The drive home was less than pleasant.
I have no reflections on graduation today -- just ones on how much I hate end-of-the-year projects. To avoid the risk of being whiny, I won't go into detail. On the bright side, it has shaped up to be an absolutely beautiful evening, and I think I'll go for a walk.
Saturday, May 27, 2006Hello! Yesterday was our senior class trip to Great America, which was a wonderful break from the end-of-the-year stress that has been buzzing around my ears for weeks now. It was easily the best day I've had in a long time; I was able to spend all of it with five of my closest friends, riding roller coasters and eating overpriced slushies and churros. As an added bonus, for the first time in possibly my entire life, I spent roughly eight hours in the sun and did not get sunburned. Hooray for SPF 30!! It was a pain to keep reapplying it all day, but such are the necessary evils for those of us with paper-white skin. I've just about made peace with the fact that I'm never, ever going to be tan. Oh well. Skin cancer is lame.
Staring out the bus window on the way home reminded me of just how much I love the way late afternoon melts into early evening, when the sun sinks low in the sky and violet-colored shadows are cast over the surface of the world. It was a little bit symbolic and a little bit sombering, because during those brief, suspended moments I realized that those moments were likely the very last moments I would ever spend surrounded by the people from my graduating class, save for those we'll be sharing on graduation day. I've been avoiding talking about it much, or writing about it much more, because I think I'm afraid that if I do so, it will end up feeling much more real than I want it to. It's far easier to push those troubling thoughts away and turn to join an amusing conversation that's just been started a few feet away, refusing to dwell on what is perceived as a loss and trying, instead, to maximize the potential gain of th e final days of high school.
I can't believe graduation is only four school days away. It doesn't feel that close. Where did the past 18 years go?
Sunday, June 4, 2006
